self-titled 10″ vinyl, released 2000 on Incendiary Records.
we are shown the perfect beauty / what we have to look like / why are you searching outside / what’s deep inside of you / don’t you see that’s all not real / lack of intelligence, muscles of steel / empty shells that form the scaffold our conception of the world is built upon / your unreal plastic body / is only cheap facade / your senses are defective / where are your inner qualities? / misled conception. not real.
i find in myself enough good reasons to go / next i have to plan my trip in time and space / i take a short look out of the window / the road away from here seems broad and straight and sweet / i fear the disease humanity is incurable / but how to go, what to take, how long to stay / without the love i get from the ones on my side and also my accomplices?
i can’t believe you’re treating me like shit / i can’t believe you’re doing this to me / after all I have done for you what are you doing to me / or am i just getting you wrong / iIs this the way to say “thank you” / is this the way to say you’re sorry? / fuck you, ungrateful parasite.
(it’s not the words that reflect the anger i sometimes feel towards other people, rather it’s the way we articulate them in this case. by the way, feel insulted by this whoever you are. FUCK YOU, that is.) -C.
THE DREAM IS DEAD…
the words have been said / though i’d like to tell you so many things / but there is no use / this has become so meaningless / so useless / so empty / you were wrong / but i am the one who is hurt / all your excuses will never do / you sold yourself / don’t even know to who / so fuck my feelings, deny the truth / the dream is dead / and it was killed by you / this dream is dead / this war is lost / this dream is dead / [this love is lost].
(about selling yourself, your ideals, about giving away what you once fought for, and especially about my knowledge that I will too, one day. but please interpret this song the way you understand it) -C.
your hypocrite society makes me so sick / religious fanatics, stubborn fascists / doing what they are told by ancient doctrines / paying respect to right-wing policy / your “morals”, your “customs”, your “tradition” / just means in a great confidence game / commercialized moralizers / the new mafia is starting to take control / loads of money / blinded trust / don’t put your life in other people’s hands / loads of money / blinded trust / that’s what it takes / that’s what they take.
(Christian Coalition, religion as opiate for the people, keeping way too many people silent by threatening them with god’s revenge. fuck corporations that call themselves christian, like the C. Coalition, an organization of fascist bastards that in fact try just to keep the wealthy wealthy – fuck religion) -C.
this has become / frail and rigid / why maintain it / let’s kill it fuck it break it stop it / throw it in its grave / kill it fuck it break it stop it / push it down the drain / sterile / destination: cemetery / leave it for dead / no escape / cemetaries aren’t as dead as this.
(about putting your hopes into something and be disappointed in just about all aspects. see “The Dream Is Dead”) -C.
your voice in my ears feels like a bullet fired into my head / your kisses on my lips are bittersweet stabs into my heart / you kill me / you are my elixir / you are the flame that burns my soul / your presence breaks me / your absence drives me mad / try to catch me / i will leave / but my mind will forever be stuck with you / as i’m losing myself on the bridge between pleasure and pain / you have come close enough to me.
(about sitting in my room trying to prevent your head from exploding due to a single person (that is not even worthwhile) -C.
MEDIA IN VITA…
Einmal, Herz, wirst du ruhn,
Einmal den letzten Tod gestorben sein,
Zur Stille gehst du ein
Den traumlos tiefen Schlaf zu tun.
Oft winkt er dir aus goldnem Dunkel her,
Oft sehnst du ihn heran,
Den fernen Hafen, wenn dein Kahn
Von Sturm zu Sturm gehetzt treibt auf dem Meer.
Noch aber wiegt dein Blut
Auf roter Welle dich durch Tat und Traum.
Noch brennst du, Herz, in Lebensdrang und Glut.
Hoch aus dem Weltenbaum
Lockt Frucht und Schlange dich mit süßem Zwang
Zu Wunsch und Hunger, Schuld und Lust,
Spielt hundertstimmiger Gesang
Sein holdes Regenbogenspiel durch deine Brust.
Dich ladet Liebesspiel,
Urwald der Lust, zum Krampf der Wonne ein
Dort trunkner Gast, dort Tier und Gott zu sein,
Erregt, erschlafft, hinzuckend ohne Ziel.
Dich zieht die Kunst, die stille Zauberin,
In ihren Kreis mit seliger Magie,
Malt Farbenschleier über Tod und Jammer hin,
Macht Qual zu Lust, Chaos zu Harmonie.
Geist lockt zu höchstem Spiel empor,
Den Sternen gegenüber stellt
Er dich, macht dich zum Mittelpunkt der Welt
Wo Rausch aus Angst, wo Mord aus Liebe blüht,
Verbrechen dampft und Wahnsinn glüht,
Kein Grenzstein scheidet zwischen Traum und Tat,
Auch dahin offen steht der Pfad.
Du bist erwacht,
Hörst fern die Chöre brausen
Im Tal des Irrens und der Sinnen,
Und ruhig wendest du vom Außen
Dich weg und zu dir selbst, nach innen.
(adapted from H. Hesse)